tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888438300076664400.post2724795160551139888..comments2014-12-09T17:25:07.561-08:00Comments on Words and Images: Crumb and ChildrenAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888438300076664400.post-57839315031507454352014-10-25T11:03:08.068-07:002014-10-25T11:03:08.068-07:00I like the topic, but I’d like to see a clear thes...I like the topic, but I’d like to see a clear thesis in the introduction. The 2nd paragraph seems a little obvious, like you say, but the third paragraph does raise an important point. Your focus is quite sound, but I want to better understand where you’re going with it. I’m not sure what you’re up to with the lineages in particular, and I’m not convinced that it was wise to discuss this *and* the births - a more detailed focus on one or the other would have been better. Myself, I think he puts a lot of attention on lineages visually, given how confusing and irrelevant they seem to modern readers. If you’re going to write about this odd topic, you should do it with a purpose in mind. It might be that he’s giving another window into absurdity - I’ll concede that - but you don’t even explain why you see it that way.<br /><br />At the end, we remain where we were at the beginning. The topic is reasonable, but you stick too closely to simply reciting obvious facts, without any sustained effort at interpretation. When you do begin to move toward interpretation, I like it - but you need to do that from the very beginning and sustain it.<br /><br />The conclusion demonstrates the essay's problems - it goes in many different directions, with no single thread of argument to bring it all together.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888438300076664400.post-70864561343224350222014-10-22T08:22:53.802-07:002014-10-22T08:22:53.802-07:00You chose a really interesting topic for this essa...You chose a really interesting topic for this essay and I think you analyzed it well. However, in the beginning, I did find myself getting a bit lost in what exactly you were trying to prove. I thought that your end paragraph however, did a really good job summing everything up and explaining what you were trying to argue. I think that you could consider moving this conclusion paragraph to the top of the paper as a sort of introduction paragraph. If you do this, readers will go into your essay with a better understanding of what you will be addressing. <br />I found myself getting a little lost during the section where you talked about the way Crumb portrays lineage. You can probably clear this up, but I am also wondering if maybe you could simply take it out. This would allow you to focus on the images of birth and I think you already have a great deal to talk about in that regard. Audreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13195117899117003509noreply@blogger.com