tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888438300076664400.post8879740082913300091..comments2014-12-09T17:25:07.561-08:00Comments on Words and Images: Bechdel - Unstable RealityAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888438300076664400.post-42204999602405229652014-09-27T13:42:31.308-07:002014-09-27T13:42:31.308-07:00There's a lot going on in your first paragraph...There's a lot going on in your first paragraph. I wish it was a little more focused, but parts of it are great. "He often transforms objects from the trash into something beautiful. Cost effectiveness is a smart attribute, but there is a sense that he is falsifying the object by changing it into something that it isn’t. " -- I also wonder if the garbage into gold idea also refers to some other element of his character. A determination to create beauty out of a sordid and hidden life?<br /><br />I think you're trying to connect what he does with this house to what he does as a fairly obsessive reader. That's certainly not a bad idea, but it's also not complete.<br /><br />The next several paragraphs are problematic. You're saying a lot of fairly obvious things. Yes, he looks like Jesus in one panel; yes, Bechdel connects him both to Daedalus and the minotaur (how do you make sense of him being both at once, by the way). Yes, he can't actually control himself through the house. But I have trouble seeing how all of those observations really connect into an argument. <br /><br />Then, just when I think you've lost the thread completely, you make the striking note about what it means that he says: "slightly perfect." It's a good observation which at least loosely connects with the other things you've had to say. In a revision, you might very well want to put this at the beginning, rather than at the end - if you think that phrase "slightly perfect" gives us a deeper insight into his character you should push it and develop it. That's still not quite a clear argument, but it sure puts us in the direction of one.<br /><br />Inicidentally, Audrey and I seem to be on more or less on the same page here - lots of interesting material, but we need a clearer thesis.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5888438300076664400.post-22453172993766147272014-09-23T08:48:32.006-07:002014-09-23T08:48:32.006-07:00You bring up an interesting point with the picture...You bring up an interesting point with the picture on page 10 and I think you could even talk a little bit more about that in a possible revision. A more detailed analysis of this image could offer a jumping off point into some of your other topics. I liked the points you brought up in your second paragraph, but I think you could split it into two separate paragraphs. I feel that the flowers and the bookshelves are both important, but they seem a bit unrelated in one paragraph. If you did not want to make it two paragraphs, perhaps a sentence or two of transition would help bring the thoughts together. I think you could eliminate the paragraph about Bechdel and the Minotaur. I am not sure it is needed in your argument, and eliminating this section would give you room for more detailed analysis of the other great examples you use. <br /> I am unsure about what exactly your thesis is. I think you have very good points laid out, and you explain your examples well, but I had trouble pin pointing a specific thesis statement. At one point you were talking about Mr. Bechdel hiding his different emotions and feelings, and at a different part of the essay you were discussing his need for control. Are the two ideas connected? If so, I believe that would make a very interesting paper topic for a revision. If not, you have a lot of information in your hands you just need to construct a strong thesis to outline exactly what your argument is. Overall though, you raised very interesting points and I felt your paper was well thought out. <br />Audreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13195117899117003509noreply@blogger.com